Taking responsibility

This simple... or what one would think was a simple concept is one that has really been on my radar in the last few months. I guess it all started when the reality of my bad personal situation came to light... I was sitting in a lawyer's office desperately trying to get a hold of what was going on and how I could stop the slow moving train wreck that my life seemed to be turning into. As I explained to her the situation and certain party's actions and what my options where to protect myself from them and to also understand what sort of consequence one would face for what they had done to me. In short the lawyer who was as tough as nails with a dryer humour than a gaggle of brits said to me flat out. "Darling... the state is not responsible for your bad choices. It's your responsibility in life to chose a partner who is not going to do these sorts of things to you." I must say I was quite dumbfounded. I couldn't understand how in Spain, that in the eyes of the law the simple fact that I knew who the person who did this flagrantly dishonorable and illegal thing, was simply not accountable for it. It was harsh. But true. Only you can be responsible for your own life and the choices (good and bad) that you make. If you chose to surround yourself with bad people or people who do a damn good job of pretending that they are then it's your deal. This was a bitter pill to swallow but I get it. I'm really the last person in the queue of people winging about 'life owning them something' so yea it makes sense... I may not like it but it makes sense. And so yes, It's a bit baffling but I agree... I didn't make certain bad things happen but the choices that I made leading up to it allowed it to, so for that I am responsible.

Being back in Canada things couldn't be more opposite. This country has a culture of no fault insurance... and Americanized 'I can just sue' if something goes wrong attitued. You slip and fall in the mall (wearing sky high heels for example) it's the mall's fault and responsibility. You're not attending school because you're busy selling drugs... again not your problem as the whole educational system is set up to forgive and forget. And on that note, the school system will actually in a sideways' way blame the student's failings to turn up to class to get an education as the fault of the school system having let you make bad choices... nowhere in the process does the person whom is making these bad choices or their parents (if they're minors) ever have to take responsibility for them. There is always an out and always someone else to blame. I mean even the gym I joined for 2 months told to me that I need to do a 5 session induction (for insurance purposes) because as they explained to me... "it would be terrible for them to let me loose in the gym without knowing the intricate details of how everything worked as I could hurt myself". I mean, okay yes I see the value in safety absolutely but it's just the way that people explain it and understand it and even worse accept this! And apparently if anything does (god forbid) happen to me while there I'm actually still not responsible... it would be the gym. But it would be okay as you know what? Their insurance would cover it! I don't get it... I mean if I'm working out in stilleto's and I fall off the treadmill it's not my fault? (i'm going for humour here folks)... You bet your bottom dollar that the week following they would be erecting a 'no stillies' please' sign above every treadmill in the club!

What sort of world are we living in? I'm sure it's just a bit of culture shock paired up with my relentless mission to get things sorted through in my mind and get my heart and soul back into business and understand a bit better just what it is in my life that seems to be the matter with me, in that I seem to be making very clear mistakes in my personal life and missing the warning signs five miles off... One thing is certain however, and that is when I figure it out. I won't be blaming anyone for it other than myself.

But it's not all bad you see... I remember that one of the big important lessons in life my mother taught me. She told me that life was not easy but for the most part it's damn hard. For the longest time I accepted this as reality and trudged along and sucked it up as 'reality' and just took it and took it. It's only now after recent events when I was speaking to my mum about it that she mentioned one pivotal thing to add onto the life is tough concept... that life is tough but it doesn't mean that when it's tough you sit back and take it until it nearly takes you. You can fight against it so it's not so tough and not so bad. This is so simple but clearly a key thing that I was clearly not processing. D'oh. Mum's logic is only valid when you apply the entire principle in full and not just one part of it. Progress yes, life moving forwards? Yes! Job hunting looking really positive? Yes. Accepting that life is hard (and of course could be a hell of a lot harder) but I'm never going to let myself concede defeat. Hardship is not something to accept... it's an indicator to the fact (5 miles off maybe) that something is not right and it's time to fix it. I'm buying a tool belt because damn it; I've got some life and mind fixing to continue along with and I'm going to need them! Now if I could only read the damn instructions... the set i have are in Japanese!